How People Use The Facade Of Humility To Manipulate You
Pride is rigid. But, true humility flows like water and take you places.
Still, I have come across people who are airy, stubborn, self-entitled, and downright nasty. Their demeanor is nothing short of the Duke of Overachievers. They are like vacuums which suck the life out from us. I hate to be around them. I can’t keep my face straight and mouth shut; however, the worst ones are the fake practitioners of humility.
It is difficult to spot them, and even more to differentiate between them and genuinely nice people. They create illusions. They thrive on deceptions. You are busy seeing what they want you to see and end up missing the ambush.
You miss the trick and can’t do more than applaud.
Mr. Self-Aware
Or Mrs, or miss. They’ll win you over with their wit, charm, and self-deprecating humor. They’ll talk philosophy and narrate how they failed on many fronts.
But here’s a catch.
They’ll recite qualities which would dilute the self-loathe they present to you. Research has shown that people use humor to hide their insecurities and to emerge as a more likable person. If you’re using humor to break the ice, it is understandable.
But an inauthentic person would do it to hide their true feelings and agenda.
They rob us from our sense of judgment. We get engrossed in the wit, the pizzazz, and the charisma. We want to be like them. We think how much of an introspective soul is theirs. And they push their agenda, right under our noses. You’ll be busy fangirling, and you’ll end up being hypnotized, with your sense of judgment hacked.
Here’s a quick confession: I used self- awareness as a means of manipulation too. What was shameful was the fact of me being aware of my doings.
I met a guy called John in college (name changed). We were part of a group dynamic; however, we hated each other. We were the source of constant havoc in our group, and our friends failed to understand why wouldn’t we get along well. I felt a great deal of repulsion from him. It wasn’t a case of sexual attraction, though.
Down the line I realized one thing: We understood each other. We both understood each other’s insecurities and pretensions. He thought himself as a stud but tried to downplay it. I thought myself as a pageant queen but downplayed it. And, that is what we both had in common: self-awareness. It was the cause of our intolerance toward each other. Very well we understood how the other person is using humility and self-awareness to be more likable.
Why Do People Hide It?
It is because they know it is a negative trait. Their self-awareness has taught them that pride is an undesirable trait. We all have come across people whom we thought were quite boastful. Seeing how others disliked them, We subconsciously make a point to never be like them.
In high school, we all knew of that bitchy girl who was popular but looked down upon everybody else. And, we remember that soccer star who carried himself like a global star. From childhood, we know of such people and are well aware of dislike they cause on themselves of colleagues, friends, etc.
I’d like to think fake humility as a weird mix of inferiority and superiority complex. Innately you are not compassionate, humble, or an empath. You rank yourself higher in whatever hierarchy you deem appropriate. Hence, you have a superiority complex.
Whereas, you aren’t yet ready to take the full plunge and come off as an I-know-it-all dude, because you’ve hidden insecurities, because somewhere you know you wouldn’t be able to justify your attitude. Because somewhere you know you are incompetent. Studies have found that when people think themselves as less competent they get more conscious about their image.
How To Spot A Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing
- Watch a person closely. How much they talk about themselves? Even if they are self-deprecating themselves, is it merely a call for attention?
- Observe their behavior with people of power. Studies suggest that narcissists gel up with people of power as they see them as an opportunity. Note if they behave differently with others.
- Sparing your boss, try to push others’ buttons. See how well they take-up outsider’s criticism. Use their self-depreciation against them. If they were genuinely a nice person, they wouldn’t react adversely.
Why Isn’t Fake Humility Desirable?
Some of you might ask, “what is wrong with faking it”? We have so many responsibilities, and we cannot take the burden of being authentic, always. What could be wrong with it? We are not gods, right?
Honestly, most of the people can’t tell the difference. We all are occupied with so much that we don’t have time to notice and analyze others’ intentions. I mean unless you are an overthinker like me, though. Practicing fake humility can make you a bit affable, a bit tolerable. You would be presented with more opportunities. You will have more resources.
But,
You can never be a good leader. You can’t be followed by people. In the short term — yes. In the long term — never. A good leader is not only self-aware, but he’s an empath. He is not just an opportunist but creates opportunities for the people who look up to him. He not only appears to be understanding for the heck of it, he genuinely looks for the doors which solve the problems of others.
Importantly, when he goes wrong, he not only accepts it but takes considerable actions to correct things.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.
— Lewis
A humble leader would give credit to everyone involved when things go right. A good leader would take responsibility when things go wrong. He will not throw the blame on someone else to save himself.
Who is more humble? The scientist who looks at the universe with an open mind and accepts whatever the universe has to teach us, or somebody who says everything in this book must be considered the literal truth and never mind the fallibility of all the human beings involved?
— Carl Sagan
Sooner or later, you won’t be able to pretend. Stop being a four-flusher. Shed the weight of people’s approval. Shed the layer of pretense to get ahead in life, as it is only taking you back. If you truly want to succeed in life, you need to use your self-awareness to your advantage in becoming a better person.
