I never had long term loving relationships. It was always short-lived, passionate, raw, and intrigued love.
Those were sort of romances that started with an electrifying, nerve numbing chemistry and came to an abrupt ending. Confusion always led to a sudden coup de grace.
So when I used to see couples who were in long term relationships for years, I got a bit of jealousy mixed with a lot of self-doubts.
I used to wonder why had I not been able to make things work.
After having dated a lot of boys and a long streak of short-lived relationships, you cannot blame them without blaming me. Mind you, I will not call these flings because in all of them I intended to nurture them in the future, and so did my partners.
It never started just for sex or fun
All of the guys were different yet very similar to one another but the type of love was distinguishable each time.
One was puppy love. It’s a type of love which happens for the first time, It has the longing, butterflies, desire, hesitations, awkwardness and a lot of heart.
It’s a kind of love in which you would get super awkward to kiss your beau or hug them. This is kind of love your friends know about, they tease you about. It’s mostly your first romantic bond.
You visualize your wedding and there are lots of promises involved.
Some people, though, grow up together. There are numerous example of couples that navigate through and end up together.
I could not.
I was too immature for him and he was for me. We were like parallel roads, with similar bumps. We could never intersect.
My other romance was a strong sexual attraction. It was very near to infatuation. Scientists argue that infatuation is generally always the first stage of love. It is marked by lust, hugs and kisses.
The foundation of such relationships is generally only physical attraction and a bit of admiration for the personality.
It was only a physical longing.
Also, most strange romance I ever experienced was:
A chemistry driven romance.
When you say chemistry, one often thinks such a love must last. Chemistry is deemed very important and most couples who break up generally lack it.
In my case, my beau and I were so similar that an outsider could almost term us soulmates.
We had a similar sense of humor, way of life, tastes, habits, behaviors, etc. I could say it was the most compatible relationship I ever experienced. It lasted not more than 6 months.
The problem with such a chemistry driven romance is so many similarities curb the lack of physical attraction. Gradually the chemistry takes form of platonic love. The respect hides away the fact that both of you probably do not want each other in that way.
We were perfect friends, great companions but very average lovers. We rather avoided romantic talks. We thought we were playing it cool, but instead we were not comfortable with it.
The strong chemistry tricked our minds and we thought we loved each other.
After end of such romances I felt a bit deceited. We could argue these are the phases and all experience them — some people successfully go on to another state.
I failed.
All of them lacked something. I had a key role in the demise of these romances.
You might say that my standards are pretty high but we need to acknowledge our instincts. Being aware from the beginning about the lack of something would always hit you both later in the course of that bond.
You always know in your gut about the difference in fantasy love and attainable love.
You always know the difference between settling down for good and settling down for the heck of it.
The good thing about short-lived romances is passion. It is so hormone-driven and you feel high all the time. As I write this I already recall the butterflies I got back in the day, accompanied by a deep desire to know the other person.
Late-night calls, early morning texts — smiling all through the day waiting to talk to them again is a beautiful phase. Desire to connect with your partner is skyrocketed in short-lived romances.
However, I have never experienced long term relationships. I might have some issues with commitment or an inherent gift of foreseeing the future of the relationship. I yearn for partnership, companionship. I wish for stability and a long loving relationship.
But still, I failed in a lot of fronts.
Maybe I need to learn some lessons before I get what I want.
Maybe we all need to experience these short, meaningful, imperfect, and soul wrenching relationships to get to our perfect tale.
Maybe we need to be taught, pay our karmic debts before we experience bliss, harmony,peace, security that a perfect life partner would provide.
But what do we do ?
What about our past record?
Just enjoy the ride. You do not know who the perfect person is. You don’t have physic lens to scan the next prospect and foresee weather it will last or not.
Do not be afraid to make mistakes.
Do not be afraid of getting your heartbroken, soul torn, and expectations ruined another time.
At least, you will again experience a short-lived romance! The person will teach you a thing or two about love, human nature and your limitations as a partner.It could be possible that he or she is your endgame — or not. (Who cares)
So, if I see a handsome man, and he seems like a knight in the shining armor — somebody who’s come from the land of unicorns, ready to sweep me off my feet, I will give it a shot. If not anything, It will be a short-lived affair.
